Half Full or Half Empty?

I do understand that life can't be all sunshine and roses and warm fuzzy feelings, but still...it sure seems like I'm surrounded by an awful lot of negativity all the time. And, I suppose, as much as I want to pretend it's not the case, a lot of it is coming from me.

In my mind, I'm the person that rolls with the punches and always looks at the bright side of things; making the proverbial lemonade, you know?

But, the ugly truth is, that when people around me start complaining and whining, I get so upset over it that I turn into a bitter and selfish monster. I want so badly for everyone to be happy or at least even keel all the time, that when they aren't I just can't take it. That doesn't really make sense does it?

I don't know, I just don't understand why people can just suck it up and take on life, even when it's mildly unpleasant or something you don't want to do. Why can't they just rise above? Complaining does nothing. It just makes you feel worse. If you don't like your circumstances, then find a way to change them. And, if you can't change them, find a way to change your attitude. I promise you it will make you feel better.

But, I look at people in the world around me and I wonder if this is something that you can really control. Is being an optimistic person or a pessimistic person and inherent trait? Are you stuck in that rut from the very beginning? Can you learn to control or change your attitudes?

Take last night for instance. We went to Disney's California Adventure. We were going to see their new nighttime water and light show "World of Color". It's the middle of summer. The place is busy. There are thousands of people who want to fit into a small area to watch the show. First, you wait in a long line to get a pass that gets you in line for the show. Then, an hour and a half before the show, you get in line and wait to find a spot to watch the show. And, then you get lucky if you get a decent spot where you can actually see. There was a woman standing behind me who bitched for half an hour about how horrible it all was. How she had to wait in line. How she thought there would be "seats" instead of standing. How she felt like she had been duped. She repeated this all over and over again until the show started.

I wanted to turn around and tell her to shut up. I mean, seriously. All the hundreds of people standing around her did the same exact thing she did. No one was forcing her to stand there and watch the show. She could have just left. And, in the end, what did all her complaining accomplish? Nothing. So why waste your breath, and why pollute the brains of everyone around you?

I'm trying to teach my kids to be grateful for everything they have, and to see the good in everything around them. But, still, they complain. Will they grow out of it? Or are they already stuck in that half empty rut? I guess only time will tell and I will keep trying to teach them a positive attitude.

I'm done complaining about complainers now.

It's July already?

And, moving towards the middle of July with incredible speed. It's amazing how quickly time goes by. So much has happened since my last post. I wanted to write more regularly, and again I've had this huge lapse. So, I'll pull myself back up on the wagon for another shot.

The morning after my last post, I was up and in the emergency room with Marissa by 5 am. I guess it was a good thing I had such a great night of sleep the night before. It had been such a nice afternoon, just the 3 of us girls. We stopped off at the book store and picked out a few reads. Then we headed for the airport. Once we we had Ron with us, we headed out for dinner. But, suddenly, Marissa was not feeling well. Her mouth hurt, and her face began to swell. Within a few hours I was terribly concerned. We tried to sleep, thinking we would take her to urgent care in the morning, but it became obvious that it couldn't wait, and off to the ER we went.

After she was checked out by two doctors, it was decided that she had an infection that had caused an abscess that was continuing to expand and needed to be drained in the operating room. This meant a transfer to a different hospital with pediatric ICU, as they would have to put her out and put her on a respirator. Everything went as smoothly as possible, but this was all followed by 24 hours in ICU, where she was kept completely sedated. And, then another over night in a regular room while they watched for possible return of the infection.

It was exhausting and probably the scariest thing I have ever been through. It was incredibly hard to sit and watch my precious little one with all those tubes coming out of her, even though I knew everything was going to be okay. My heart breaks for all those parents who have to experience chronic and life threatening illnesses thrust upon their children. I don't know how they are able to deal with it.

And then, as quickly as it came on, it was over. She was back to normal so fast, and able to go to her last day of school, and I was able to attend Baily's 6th grade graduation and watch her receive the Presidential Academic Award. I was very proud of her.

Then, I hopped a plane back home to California, where we had 25 days until our lease was up. And, we had not found yet found a place to move into. I began packing, and watching the rental listings obsessively. Finally, by the middle of the month, we found something and after a few little hurdles, we signed a lease.

The next couple of weeks included frantic packing, moving, and unpacking, along with an 8th grade graduation, another 6th grade graduation and the arrival of Baily and Marissa for the summer.

So, now, we are all settled in and enjoying the summer. We've gone to and Angel's game, Disneyland and spent days at the pool. This weekend is a yard sale and a minor league baseball game. It's a constant whirlwind of activity, and I must close this post to go feed a 12 year old boy and get him off to baseball practice.

Tonight will be a mellow evening with only 3 kids. The 4 younger girls have gone to spend the night at Grandma's house. My husband laughed and said people would probably look at us crazy for saying it was a quiet evening with a full of energy 7 year, a jr high age boy, and teenage girl. But, it sure seems quiet to me.

Happy Girl!!!

It's a very happy Saturday for several reasons.

1. I slept really well last night.

This comes on the heels of two terrible nights of sleep, so I was exhausted an actually a little scared of lying down. I was afraid I would spend the night tossing and turning again. But, even though I woke up a couple of times, I was able to fall alseep again right away. I woke up a little before 8, and thought about how wonderful it was that we didn't have to get up and get the girls off to school. I talked to my amazing husband on the phone for a couple of minutes and then I fell back to sleep and dreamed VERY sweet dreams (another thing that has been plauging me for awhile are bad dreams, so this was a nice change). I woke up again to the phone ringing and I felt well rested and refreshed.

2. It's a mellow day with no plans

The girls are enjoying a lazy Saturday morning, and they are getting along perfectly. I made heart shaped waffles and we had a nice breakfast together. I need to do a little tidying around the house, but that's about it. I'll have a short run on the treadmill later, which will put me at somewhere around 36 miles for the week, and I'm very pleased to see some improvement in my fitness and mileage this month.

But, the best part of the day is

3. I will be with my husband tonight!!!!!!!

We have only been apart for 10 days, but it seems like a month already. And, then after this weekend, we will only be apart 5 days for the next 3 months! That is going to be like heaven. I'm at my best when this man is by my side. I can't wait to see his smile and to look in his eyes. Ok, cheesy. I'll stop before I cause someone to gag. I just love him.

Because I never finish what I start

I hope that this is something that I will eventually be able to overcome, but looking back at my life, most of what is see is a trail of unfinished business or things that I gave up on. I don't want to be a quitter, but there are more things than I care to admit that I have started and never finished.

So, in an attempt to tie together some loose ends and make myself feel like I'm continuing something rather than starting again, I'm posting a link to the last blog I started. Let's just call this one Chapter Two.

My Wicked Twisted Road

A little poetry

Both of these are poems I wrote a couple of years ago, and had completely forgotten about. If it hadn't been for that browsing of my old My Space blog, I never would have remembered them at all.

Voices

You speak to me-

Your voice reaches a place

deep inside.

Somewhere so familiar

So like home,

like youth

Like someplace I've been a thousand times before.

Music late into the night

Singing me off to a childhood slumber.

Like fingers skimming along my spine.

Shivers race through me, making me ache

To find that place

Again and again.

I Can Fly

Seconds tick by, turning to minutes

and somehow

to hours

With each breath

My mind clears more

Every thought slips, unknown

Up into the sky, like a dream forgotten when you wake.

Each step, each turnover

Springing me still forward

In a journey with no real purpose

Except to feel free

In my body

And to fly as best as I can.

My new blog and a new outlook

One of my passions in life is reading. I have read so many books over the years, and many that have really touched me for one reason or another. But, I don't even remember all those books as time passes. I have often thought about keeping a journal, and writing a little bit about each book I read. Now is the time for that, but I will do it in the form of a blog. Maybe I'll get a few readers and I can tip them off to books that might some how touch their lives as well. So, now I am introducing:

Some of My Best Friends are Books

And, in other news...

I have decided to take a different approach to my thoughts on this blog. Several years ago, I was keeping a very simple blog on My Space. I had kind of forgotten about it, because I had pretty much deleted everything off of that site and I never logged on. But, for some reason I popped on to my site the other day and I found the old blog. I didn't write much, but I was writing fairly regularly. Most of it was about running and training for races, and some about my thoughts and feelings on day to day life. It was very interesting to me to re read what I had written. This is not necessarily a new revelation, because I am always interested to look back and see what I have written in my actual paper and ink journals that I keep.

Thankfully, it has reminded me of the true reason that I ever write at all. In exactly the same fashion that I capture memories and moments in time with my camera, I write to capture memories and moments in time from myself. When I look back at those moments, I learn about myself and I grow.

Somehow, I wasn't thinking about blogging in the same way. I thought that if I was publicly publishing something, then I was writing for someone other than myself. But, that is not the case. I am writing for myself and if someone comes along and wants to read and/or comment it would just be an extra bonus. I feel a little more free already.

Writer's Block

I really want to blog, but it seems like whenever I sit down to do it, I can't think of anything to say. Maybe I'm over thinking it? I want to write some amazingly witty and profound thing every time, but maybe that's not really possible? I'm not even sure I know what topic I want to write about.

I'm going to post this, just because. It's a start. I have some thoughts brewing in my head but nothing is really coming out right now, so I guess it's just not the time. I'll try again later, or tomorrow.