Education is a topic that is on my mind a lot. As a parent, it is so important to me that my children receive a good education at school, and that I am supporting that learning and providing education for them at home as well. I worry about the state of our education system because of the economy and all the budget cuts our schools are experiencing. I also worry about my children staying focused and realizing just how important their education is. That comes from a very personal experience.
My school performance was average, but I know that I could have done so much better if I had just tried a little harder. I think I just had my head in the clouds a lot of the time, and I have to admit that I was always a bit of an underachiever. I went off to college with a boyfriend and no more motivation than I had in high school.
I have always been drawn to older people as friends (and spouses), and I think for some reason I just wanted to skip over my youth and become a full-fledged grown-up as quickly as possible. I dropped out of college after one semester.
All I could think about was getting married and becoming a mother. It was the only thing I wanted. I didn't feel career-driven, and at the time I felt that the only reason I needed a college education was if I had a clear career path that would require a college degree to achieve. What I failed to realize, though, was that while I am not career-driven, I am knowledge-driven. And, I did not anticipate how much I would come to regret that decision to drop out of college.
I moved back to the small town where I grew up, and I did indeed follow my dreams of getting married and having children. But, I had put myself into a situation where there was little I could do to continue my education. My husband received promotions and was finding himself in a career that would provide well for us, but that meant that we couldn't move from the town we lived in, and the nearest college was 100 miles away. I watched as my brother and his wife made many sacrifices to continue their educations and as I witnessed them both receive their college diplomas I was so proud of them and yet, so sad for myself.
The years passed, and I had children to care for and a household to maintain. Even after we were able to move to larger towns where college classes were available, it would have been costly and difficult to balance family, and work, and school, I always just pushed it out of my mind. My children are the best things that ever happened to me, and I have never for a second questioned that I shouldn't have become a mother when I did. But, I do wonder what would have happened if I had pushed a little harder to change my life earlier. As hard as it would have been, there are plenty of people who make sacrifices and find a way to balance family and schooling. Why could I have not done it, too?
And now, here we are. My life is much different and actually even more complicated now than it was before my divorce and remarriage. But, my desire for more education has never been stronger. I feel like I am selling myself short. I feel like I am smarter and more capable than I have ever given myself credit for. But, I don't even know where to begin, and I still don't know if I ever will be able to go to college. The cost is still an issue, and of course, there is the fact that I don't even live in one place all the time. It's not going to leave my mind, so hopefully, someday there will be a solution that will allow me to make this dream a reality. And, if nothing else, I will use myself as an example to my children to never sell themselves short and to take the opportunities that they will be given. I never want them to feel the regrets that I do.
