Monday, February 14, 2011

A little love on Valentine's Day

Let’s face it: I am a LOVE junkie. Ever since I was a little girl I have been infatuated with a good love story. One of my early memories is of a Cinderella storybook I read at my preschool. I remember sitting all alone and pouring over those pages with reverence. I’m fairly certain I started looking for my own Prince Charming immediately afterward. I know I am not the only woman who feels this way. Many of us grow up wishing for the dream wedding and the happily ever after. And, even though I disappointed myself by failing in my first marriage, I still want to believe in soul mates and that one deep, true love of my life.

I recently watched a movie called “Paper Heart”. It was a faux documentary about a girl who didn’t believe that she was capable of falling in love. She went across the country interviewing people and listening to their stories of what love meant to them and what it was like to fall in love. Now, it doesn’t take much to get me thinking about love, because I am living my very own epic love story. But, the movie, along with the fact that it is Valentine’s Day made me want to put my feelings about love down in words.

Someone once told me that love is a choice, not an emotion. I go back and forth about this, and I can’t decide whether I agree that this is possible in regards to romantic love. You can choose to give yourself to another person and make a life with them and be happy. But, is that really love? I have to ask that question, because when it comes to the love I feel, there was no choice. This love chose me. It completely blindsided me, knocked all the air of me, and tied me up in knots that I will never, ever be able to undo. And, I couldn’t be happier about it.

My whole world shifted the very second that I first made eye contact with Ron. It may seem unbelievable to some, but it is the honest truth. I looked up, and looked into his eyes and my heart started pounding and I started to shake. He smiled at me, and that was it. I was completely done for. After that first look, I could not get him out of my head for even a second. I knew my life would never be complete without him in it.

And, immediately, there was a connection between us that was unlike anything I have ever experienced. It felt like we had known each forever. Everything about him put me at ease and made me feel so comfortable.

As the years go by, it just gets better. Every time my phone rings or an email comes in, I feel giddy. Every time he walks in the door from work, my heart beats a little faster. Every time I wake up and feel him next to me, I am enveloped in a sense of comfort and safety and pure happiness. I love him for everything that he is, and everything that he is not. I love him for the person that he helps me to be. I love what we are together. It is a love that is pure and exists outside of any pressures or expectations. And, it's not a choice. I couldn't stop it if I tried. It's the most beautiful, incredible gift and I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to feel this kind of love.